Christmas Spider

This isn't my story, nor my writing but I really wanted to share it with everyone. My friend Deanne made Christmas spider ornaments this year for her church group. I felt very lucky because she made one for me to share with my kids as well. I had heard of the tradition of hanging a spider on the Christmas tree and part of the story, but she also told me the story and brought a copy in for me to share with my kids as well. I wanted to share with everyone as well as a picture of my spider.

The Christmas Spider

On Christmas eve, a long time ago, a gentle mother was busily cleaning the house for the most wonderful day of the year... Christmas day, the day on which the little Christ child came to bless the house. Not a speck of dust was left. Even the spiders had been banished from their cozy corner on the ceiling. They had fled to the farthest corner of the attic.

The Christmas tree was beautifully decorated. The poor spiders were frantic, for they could not see the tree, nor be present for the little Christ child's visit. Then the oldest and wisest spider suggested that perhaps they could wait until everyone went to bed and then get a closer look.

When the house was dark and silent, the spiders crept out of their hiding place. When they neared the Christmas tree, they were delighted with the beauty of it. The spiders crept all over the tree, up and down, over the branches and twigs and saw every one of the pretty things.

The spiders loved the Christmas tree. All night long they danced in the branches, leaving them covered with spider webs. In the morning, when the little Christ child came to bless the house, he was dismayed! He loved the little spiders for they were God's creatures, but he knew the mother, who had worked so hard to make everything perfect, would not be pleased when she saw what the spiders had done.

With love in his heart and a smile on his lips, the little Christ child reached out and gently touched the spider webs. The spider webs started to sparkle and shine! They had all turned into sparkling, shimmering silver and gold.

According to legend, ever since this happened, people have hung tinsel on their Christmas trees. It has also become a custom to include a spider among the decorations on the Christmas tree.

Poetry

So I was having a conversation with Jon tonight and we were discussing days gone by and funny pictures and stuff and he sent me something that I had sent to him a couple of years ago. It is from one of my junior high poetry books from English class. I just thought it was amusing and thought I would share. (And yes I know my handwriting was horrible lol)

My Prayer

I wrote the next item clear back in 1996. Obviously I was in the midst of a very bad and very volatile relationship. I honestly had forgotten that I had wrote the poem until about two years ago when I was cleaning out the basement and ran across some old notebooks and was flipping through them and found this. It isn't very well written but that was probably due to stress, anger and fear at the time. Just thought I would share.

My Prayer

They say women marry men like their fathers
Why does it have to be true?
In my case it is
The man I care most about is so much the same
The biggest similarity?
One word: Alcohol
The deadly drink
Poisoned water from some awful place
Suppose to be the drink of happiness, it is the kiss of hell
One of the most hated things in my life
Watching the one you love drink the poison
Seeing it take affect of their mind
That look of stupidity that creeps into their eyes
Trying to speak but only babbling
The coordination of hands, arms, fingers, no longer present
Walking is a major challenge
The straight and narrow becomes the bumpy stagger
The fear once again sets into my heart
Dear God what's going to happen this time?
Will something besides my heart be broken?
Will he hurt himself?
Please Lord, don't let him hit me.
Should I hide the car keys?
Oh please, please just let him pass out
Why can't someone show me how to help him
Why can't he help himself
Why must the cycle go on
It destroys my very being
Please let him understand
Maybe my tears will have an effect this time
Perhaps if I yell he will stop
Yet nothing works
The cycle repeats itself over and over
When will it stop
Will it ever
How long can I live an unhappy life
Until one of us dies ahead of schedule
Oh God, please no
But I fear the thought
One more night I will drop to my knees
Draw an invisible cross over my body
Lower my head and intertwine my fingers
The message always the same
Please God, keep my family (each individual named) safe and healthy
Please, please, please help him God
Turn him away from the drink and back to me
Don't let it happen again
I draw the cross again
Saying "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen."
I climb into bed and hope that this time the Lord will answer my prayer.

The Cremation of Sam McGee

Once again this isn't one of mine, but with how damn cold it is outside today I thought it was appropriate lol

The Cremation of Sam McGee
By,
Robert W. Service

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Artic trails have their secret tales
That Would make your blood run cold;
The Northern lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee,
where the cotton blooms and blows.
Why he left his home in the South to roam
'round the Pole, God only knows.
He was always cold, but the land of gold
seemed to hold him like a spell;
Though he'd often say in his homely way
that he'd "sooner live in Hell."

On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way
over the Dawson trail.
Talk of your cold! through the parka's fold
it stabbed like a driven nail.
If our eyes we'd close, then the lashes froze
till sometimes we couldn't see,
It wasn't much fun, but the only one
to whimper was Sam McGee.

And that very night, as we lay packed tight
in our robes beneath the snow,
And the dogs were fed, and the stars o'erhead
were dancing heel and toe,
He turned to me, and "Cap," says he,
"I'll cash in this trip, I guess;
And if I do, I'm asking that you
won't refuse my last request."

Well, he seemed so low that I couldn't say no;
then he says with a sort of moan,
"It's the cursed cold, and it's got right to the bone.
Yet 'taint being dead - it's my awful dread
of the icy grave that pains;
So I want you to swear that, foul or fair,
you'll cremate my last remains."

A pal's last need is a thing to heed,
so I swore I would not fail;
And we started on at the streak of dawn;
but God! he looked ghastly pale.
He crouched on the sleigh, and he reaved all day
of his home in Tennessee;
And before nightfall a corpse was all
that was left of Sam McGee.

There wasn't a breath in that land of death,
and I hurried, horror-driven,
With a corpse half hid that I couldn't get rid,
because of a promise given;
It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say:
"You may tax your brawn and brains,
But you promised true, and it's up to you
to cremate these last remains."

Now a promise made is a debt unpaid,
and the trail has its own stern code.
In the days to come, though my lips were dumb,
in my heart how I cursed that load!
In the long, long night, by the lone firelight,
while the huskies, round in a ring,
Howled out their woes to the homeless snows-
Oh God, how I loathed the thing!

And every day the quiet clay
seemed to heavy and heavier grow;
And on I went, though the dogs were spent
and the grub was getting low.
The trail was bad, and I felt half mad,
but I swore I would not give in;
And I'd often sing to the hateful thing,
and it hearkened with a grin.

Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge,
and a derelict there lay;
It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice
it was called the Alice May.
And I looked at it, and I thought a bit,
and I looked at my frozen chum;
Then "Here," said I , with a sudden cry,
"is my cre-ma-tor-eum!"

Some planks I tore from the cabin floor,
and I lit the boiler fire;
Some coal I found that was lying around,
and I heaped the fuel higher;
The flames just soared, and the furnace roared-
such a blaze you seldom see,
And I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal,
and I stuffed in Sam McGee.

Then I made a hike, for I didn't like
to hear him sizzle so;
And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled,
and the wind began to blow.
It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled
down my cheeks, and I don't know why;
And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak
went streaking down the sky.

I do not know how long in the snow
I wrestled with grisly fear;
But the stars came out and they danced about
ere again I ventured near;
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said,
"I'll just take a peep inside.
I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked."
Then the door I opened wide.

And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm,
in the heart of the furnace roar;
And he wore a smile you could see a mile,
and he said, "Please close that door.
It's fine in here, but I greatly fear
you'll let in the cold and storm-
Since I left Plumtee, down in Tennessee,
it's the first time I've been warm."
There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Artic trails have their secret tales
That Would make your blood run cold;
The Northern lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

So this is not a piece that I wrote but it has been one of my favorites for a long long time. The author is unknown.

Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear.
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I am afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled.
For God's sake don't be fooled.
I give the impression that I am secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command,
and that I need no one.
But don't believe me.
My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
My only hope and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.

But, I don't tell you this. I don't dare. I am afraid to.
I am afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh,
and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing, that I'm just no good,
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without
and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I am going through my routine,
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like to hide.
I don't like to play superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me,
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes that
blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings,
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator - a honest-to-God creator -
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from my shadow world of panic
and uncertainty, from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to. Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me,
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man,
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls,
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands
but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.

Unknown

So I have said before that I don't generally like to do the "rhyming poetry" thing. While that is true that doesn't mean that I don't give it a try now and then.

Unknown

You’ll never know what might have been;
A lover, an equal, a partner, an eternal kin.

Never again shall you feel my warm embrace;
Never again will you see my smiling face.

The words in my heart never spoken;
The sound of my heart, totally broken.

Unseen to you are the tears I have cried;
All the hurt and desire inside that I hide.

Dreams of a warm castle home perched high on a hill;
Dreams that are now only long corridors that leave a lingering chill.

A possible love story to last through the ages;
Now nothing more than a rustling of forgotten pages.

My love was yours to forever hold;
Instead it is unspoken words never told.

Each moment with you is a time I shall forever cherish;
And though time will move on my love for you will never perish.

My Angel

Wow. What an insane few days. I was looking forward to my 4 day break from work and hoped to take at least one day to just sit and do nothing. Being me I didn't end up doing that but I had a very enjoyable weekend so I won't complain. Good friends, family and fun. I can handle that.

Poetry first really caught my attention when I discovered free form poetry. I am a strong willed person and I didn't enjoy all of the rules involved in other types of poetry. Why should I be forced to limit myself per syllable or rhyme? I later discovered that there was a certain challenge that came from trying to follow those rules that I grew to respect. I have always been a fan of Edgar Allan Poe's works and one thing that he did in several of his poems was patterns of letters, whether it be repeating certain letters or spelling things (see, Elizabeth and An Enigma for reference). Poe most commonly used names as his source of inspiration. I have written a few and it is a challenge to find the right words that not only have the right letter in the right place but which also make sense in the end.

In several of the poems I have written I have limited myself to starting each two lines with the same first letter. In this particular item I chose to do three lines at a time. I really like the way it turned out.

My Angel

Who are you
What are you
What causes my heart to race
To race when I see you
To touch you is magic
The world starts to spin
It spins faster when we are together
It's out of control when we touch
I don't understand
No I don't understand
No one can make my world so bright
Nothing can make me feel like that
Like I am in heaven
Loved by an angel
Longing for nothing but you
For you to touch me
For your dreamy eyes to meet mine
For your tender lips to touch mine
Lips like a rose
Like the tender petals of a flower
Love is there
It's in your eyes
It's in your heart
It's in my heart
My heart is full of love
My world is full of you
Magical that's what you are
Like a twinkling star
Lighting up the darkness
Lifting my spirits to new heights
Above the clouds
Alone with my guardian angel
Alone with you

A Time for Thanks

As another year draws to a close I have reflected upon the blessings in my life and the people who have touched me, not only this year but in the years gone by. This is my thanks for the blessings, big and small, that have touched me in some way. Though there are many not listed here, I do appreciate each person who has come into my life, for good and for bad, because each of those moments has made me the person I am today. I have chosen not to list most people by name to avoid embarrassing anyone, but I think you will each know who you are.

I give thanks for my mother.
Though there are struggles in caring for an elderly parent it is also highly rewarding as well. Who would I be now if not for the influences I had growing up and living the life I do today?

I am thankful for my father.
When he fell ill in the spring my world crashed down around me and all I could think was “no, not Daddy.” I thank my blessings to have him here with us now and for each smile and laugh that he has given me over the years.

Ever thankful for my wonderful wicked-step-mother.
She has been a true friend and I can never repay her for the gratitude I feel for recognizing what was happening when Dad had his stroke. Over the years she has taught me much and as a child she gave me the kick in the butt that I needed to pick up my grades in school and I still appreciate that.

For my funny Grandpa.
Though I don’t see him as often as I should I truly enjoy talking to him and hearing his corny jokes and pickup lines that he has tried lately.

Forever thankful for Toodles.
You can not only sympathize with the battles I have faced over the last several years but truly empathize. We have laughed and cried together for some of the insanity in our lives. I really don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here.

To the true Little Angel With Horns.
We have had our fights, disagreements and differences of opinions over the years but they have also allowed us to learn and grow as people. I have so much fun when we are together, even if we are just debating the sounds that turtles and alligators make when laying eggs.

Thankful to my children.
Plenty of times they drive me crazy but mostly they make me laugh and smile. A silly joke, a sweet gesture when I don’t feel well, a hug before bed. Being a parent is a huge challenge and an even bigger award. And I thank my blessings that my children have developed my sense of humor and can deal with me on a daily basis.

Thanks to you Skippy.
At times you still drive me absolutely insane but at the end of the day we will always be in one another’s lives and I am thankful for that and I appreciate all that you do for me.

Blessings for the rest of my extended family.
Though there are many that I don’t see often, I am grateful for each one of them. The memories I have for each person and the ways we have touched each others lives over the years will never be forgotten.

Very thankful for a job I truly enjoy.
While it might be stressful at times, I still enjoy the challenges presented each day and don’t take for granted how fortunate I am for my job. I am thankful for the clients that can still smile even when they are going through hell that make up for each of the others that yells.

To my Burnt Cheese and Rotten Tuna.
You are two of the most wonderful people I know. How can the three of us be any more different but so similar? I am proud to call both of you friend. Our initial impressions of one another couldn’t have been any more wrong. I look up to you both more then you know.

Props for the Donut Caper.
I don’t think I know anyone with any more going on in their life on any given day. Your positive attitude is something that I think people could truly learn from.

I give my thanks to the creators of Facebook.
While it might be odd to give thanks for a webpage, it has allowed me to reconnect with so many friends and family that I have lost touch with over the years. It has also opened the door to new friendships with some incredible people.

I am thankful for my Washington Hippie.
You have gone through much stress and heartache over the last year but your attitude is wonderful. You make me laugh, you make me smile and one of these days I WILL be in Washington and we will go out for lunch!

Thank to 47403
From what I know of you so far you are a beautiful person. You writings not only make me think but really make me smile. Stay strong and keep your head up no matter what this world throws at you!

Warm thanks to Sherlock Holmes (minus the hat).
Life had dealt you a shit hand lately. I truly wish that was not the case. I can’t take away your pain or carry your load for you, but I can be your friend and value your friendship. You are an incredible person who I am not only totally comfortable with but am also in awe of as well. In the short time I have known you, you have taught me much and I have learned many things about myself as well.

I am thankful for my wooly friend.
I am not sure what direction my life is heading at the moment. You have let me cry on your shoulder when you had no reason to let me. You have made me smile when I didn’t think it was possible. You are a true friend.

Always thankful for my Little Duck.
I know that you will never judge me, no matter how silly some of my choices are. With a smile and a guiding hand you put me back on course. Chance brought us close and caring has kept us closer. You are truly one of my best friends.

A hug of thanks for The Big Elf.
I have considered you my best friend for I don’t know how many years. We don’t get to see one another as often as I would like, but you are the sweetest person I know. Our lifestyles are polar opposites yet you don’t judge me for who I am. Instead you accept me with all of my oddness and flaws. You truly are one of a kind.

Warm fuzzies for my NX family.
It is quickly approaching ten years that I have known some of you. Looking back I never figured I would stick around for this long. What a wonderfully diverse bunch of people. So many opinions, so many cultures. So many friends.

Sleep Sweet Princess

I have debated for several days on whether to post this next item or not although I am not sure why. The truth be told I am a hopeless romantic. Sure I put on the tough girl face and do what I need to do but somewhere inside I am always waiting for my white knight to sweep me off of my feet. This item is a product of that...

Sleep Sweet Princess

I dare not sleep
I am so afraid
Not wanting to know what awaits
Nightmares already swirling
Chasing through my mind
Cringing, I turn aside
Rest will not come
Release only in writing
The pen is my friend
Taking me to far away places

Snowflakes falling down
Sprinkling the land in a white blanket
All is so calm and serene
All alone I stand on a hill
Watching and waiting
Wondering what I am waiting for
The sound of hooves breaks the silence
Turning I see a mounted rider approach
Sitting proudly on his gallant steed
Snowflakes falling gently upon his shoulders
My heart skips a beat
My thoughts in turmoil
Do I stay?
Do I run?
He is upon me now, bringing his mount to a stop
His deep eyes looking into mine
I can’t turn away from his gaze
Intently looking at me
Slowly his face begins to change
Sadness melting from his face
A sweet smile blossoms on his lips
Allowing me a glimpse into his soul
He slowly reaches out a hand
His intention so clear
Should I go with him?
Shyness radiating from me
The nod of his head reassures me
This is my chance
My hand now in his
Making my soul quiver from the unknown
Pulling me up onto his horse
Placing his arms around me
Holding me gently
Helping my weary body to ride
We ride off in silence
Words are not needed here
Onward we ride
Over hills and through trees
Something growing larger in the distance
Suddenly it comes into focus
A breathtaking sight to behold
Amazing not enough to say about it
Built with rock and mortar
Beautifully detailed in every way
We have arrived
Walls of our castle loom above
My heart skips another beat
Mesmerized by all that sourounds me
I am finally home
In my castle where I belong
My prince by my side
My heart no longer alone

A sweet fantasy world
All courtesy of my pen
Sleep should come now
Sweet dreams await
No more fear of the dark
Now ‘tis only time to rest
Words giving me sweet release from fear
When no other option is available
My imagination like a security blanket
Making my soul warm again
Sleep, sweet princess

fleeing

First things first I have fixed the comments section so that people can comment. I really don't know what the deal was because it was on but I screwed with it until it is now working. Urg. Sorta annoys me that it didn't work to begin with.

Anywho, I was flicking through poems today trying to decide which to upload since I wasn't sure what my inspiration for the day was. I decided to go with fun. My friend Jon and I were chatting online one day and he had this grand idea that we should try to write a poem together each of us writing two lines at a time. I was terrified of the idea! I had never tried to write something like a poem with someone else. And honestly Jon intimidated me. He is to darn smart for his own good and intimidated me. But I thought it could be an interesting learning experience. So this is the product of that attempt. Jon started and we carried on for awhile until he decided I was doing better (I think he was just being nice) and I finished it off. Still amusing to read our odd attempt.

Fleeing

Tumbley-bumbley down a hill
Rolling stoutly, whistling shrill
Free like children down we roll
No moss shall gather while onward we go
What rocks and brambles lie below
Ready to snare us, what snags shall make our progress slow
Yet onward and forward we must always go
With head held high, never hanging low
Flying branches whip by our heads
And the leaves may brush us but the branches never will
With sword held high, our trail you blaze
Like a ray of sun you light the way through this darkened place
My hand in your hand, as you lead me on
Chasing away the monsters that lurk beyond
Hearts beating fast we continue to race
Forward out of this lonely dark place
All is growing quiet now
No howls, no moans or growls
The terrors that have followed have fallen behind
Heads still held high, the forest comes to an end
Finally our feet are able to pause
As we take in the wonder and majesty before
Breathtakingly beautiful it stretches for miles
Not the darkness before but the wide open sea
We stand on the rocks, still hand in hand
No more fear of what was behind us, only hope for what is ahead
Nothing to stop us or slow us down
To scare us or hurt us as it had before when we fled
There is only serenity
A sweet calm, a gentle breeze
Washing over our souls
Cleansing and washing away the fear
Lifting our spirits with the sweetest aroma
Of life and of freedom
No need to look back, or ever regret the past
The future ahead holds all that is needed
The sun rising slowly over the horizon
Your sword no longer a sword, only a beautiful rose
All that is needed in this wonderful place
Gently placing it in my hand
We will go forward, heads still held high
But no more running and tumbling
And we shall do it, side by side

Sisters

Well there is no more appropriate poem for me to post today then this one. My big sister is totally on my mind today and will be staying with me for a few days following a surgery she is going in for tomorrow. Other then the surgery this should result in many laughs and smiles. Much love for my sisters. :)

Sisters

Who can you count on?
Who can you trust?
Someone to always be by your side
Though arguments may occur
Forgiveness always around the corner
Only one relationship comes to mind
Sisters
An inseparable bond
Through thick and thin
Someone to look up to
To vent with
To argue with
A best friend when you need a helping hand
A mentor to show you the way
You are my sister
Someone I look up to
Only a phone call away
I am your sister
Someone you can count on
If you are feeling down, I will try to make you smile
That is what we do
You may be scared
Feeling all alone
But know that you are never alone
You can lean on me
I can lean on you
A bond that can't be broken
Always there no matter how many miles separate us
Because no matter what
You are my sister

Look

I made the decision when I started this blog to only upload one poem per day. While I could have happily uploaded all of them at once I realized that I would quickly run out of material and they would all just get shoved to the bottom of the blog to not be seen.

I have also discovered that in posting one at a time it allows me to pick something appropriate for the day and the mood I am in. Yesterday I had to express my gratitude to one of my two best friends, Jon, because the night before he had once again taken me by the shoulders, shook the crap out of me and show me that I was walking a fine line to self destruction.

I'll say nothing more about my choice for the day other then for my own reasons it fits very well.

Look

Look at me
Look closely at what you see
You look my direction so often
You appear to see me
But all you see is the exterior
Beneath my surface lies a person
A person with a heart
A person with so much to say
Look at me
Look deeper into me
Do you see what's there
Do you see the twinkle in my eyes
They say the eyes are the windows to the soul
The eyes can say so much
Do you see what my eyes are trying to say
Do you see all the signals I'm sending your way
Look I say
Look deeply, concentrate and see it
You see me now, I can tell
You see a side of me you never knew existed
I can see it in your eyes
I can see the recognition that's there
Now you see the person behind the face
Now you an see the feelings hiding there
Look at me again
Look and see how deeply I care
The feelings are growing
These feelings are for only you
Look at me again with new eyes
Look at me and find a friend

My Sun

My Neverland was originally created as a place for me to display my poetry and share it with others. However, I soon realized that I could not display only my own works because there was another that helped me achieve the point that I was at in showing my poetry to others. I had not written in many years. I was horribly depressed and had nothing but sadness to write about. Then came along a friend... a chance encounter that changed the course of my life in so many ways. He showed me that there was a possibility for happiness in this crazy world. He showed me that I could hold my head up and be happy to be me. He was my kindred spirit and through his words I was able to find my own once again. He is, and always will be, my little duck. My personal sunshine when I am lost and alone and I know he will not judge me no matter how foolish I have been. He wrote the following for me when I was going through my darkest of times and I feared everything and just wanted to escape from life. It was a warm hug that I could carry in my pocket at all times and I could pull it out and read it when I needed the comfort. Love you little duck.

Untitled
By,
Jonathan Bogaty

Light bird starts feeling the light of the Sun
Ruffling her feathers
Casting a splint to mend her broken wings
What does she see?
Does it heal
Does it hurt
Is it love
Is it fear
What do you do?
What do you hold onto?
When you only want to hold onto what's new
When the old stuff inside seems tired and gray
So you go without a mooring
Holding fast and firm to its rays
Skin cracks and peels
Opens up and parts in places
White, flaring light of your soul pours out
What do you do?
What do you hold onto?
You feel the heat begin to burn
Cauterizing the pain
But pain in of itself
You ask yourself if it's worth it
And feel ashamed for asking
You know and you don't know
And so you turn inside again
Out of instinct
For something to take up
A blanket to pull over your head
To make the Sun a little muter as you rise
But the blankets are gone
The attic's been cleaned
The scary, fumbling jack-in-the-boxes
Demonic, crying, screaming grins
That pop out as you fumble blindly upstairs
Thrown out into the bin
It's cool
It's quiet
But at last it's getting empty
Spring cleaning for the soul
But no more blankets
So what do you do?
What do you hold onto?
You turn your head away
Try to gain some respite
As old feathers fall and molt
And new ones grow
Skin replenishing, bone regrowing
Anew
And then a wing touches yours
A soul touches yours
And you're not alone
We fly together
And raise our eyes to be blinded
Knowing
The answer
We hold onto love
We look towards the Sun
And if it blinds us, burns us
We were dark regardless
Stumbling, fumbling
Bumping into toys in the attic
Letting them jump out and scare us
Give us nightmares
We may still be fumbling
But we're fumbling together in the light

Grounded

She sits alone
At the highest peak
An angel with new wings
A baby bird just ready to leave the nest
A sweet butterfly new from her cocoon
So afraid to spread her wings
The fear of failure
The crash to the bottom of a lonely ravine
Only a faint glimmer of hope
Hope that she can fly
Her mentor appears
Like a flash of lightening giving her hope
She can do it
She will fly
He will guider her towards heeling
Towards freedom
Towards hope
He will lift her when she falls
Show her a new way
A new day
She spreads her wings
Jumps from the precipice upon which she perched
Not flying
But not falling
A balance between
A new lightness in her heart giving her courage
The demons are still there
Following her flight
But she can face them now
Confront and vanquish them
She beats her wings harder
Trying to soar to the heavens
But what is this?
It's growing darker
A mist closing in
She flounders unsure of which way to go
To fly or to land
A net thrown over her
Bringing a sudden stop
Her wing has been clipped
She can only flap it feebly
She tries to fly again
Now only going in circles
Her feet never leaving the ground
She has had a taste of the sky
She doesn't want to remain glued to the ground
The helplessness overwhelming
But she knows she will fly again
For now though her place is on the ground

Written October 28, 2007

The Return of Neverland

A couple of years ago I decided to create a webpage to display my creative writings on. For awhile all was grand and I was thrilled to have the ability to share the things items I had created over the years. Unfortunately the site I opted to pay for and host with ended up having issues and my webpage got shuffled to the side. I finally grew tired of waiting for the issues to be fixed and decided to just remove the page as I couldn't change it anyway. But I missed what I had created. I decided to recreate some portion of my Neverland here. It isn't the same but that is ok. It still gives me an outlet to share not only my creative works but also just general information and updates. I think this will be a good balance for me.

However, to me it is not my Neverland without my original introduction so I will place that here for now until I find a better way to display it elsewhere on this blog:

Wikipedia defines poetry as: "a form of art in which language is used for its aesthetic and evocative qualities in addition to, or in lieu of its ostensible meaning." A fine definition if ever there was one. However, I think that to each person the term "poetry" has the potential for many different meanings. It can be written as a token of love. As a way to express how one feels, whether positive or negative. A way to express your gratitude for the people,
places and things around you. A source of release for emotions that one is unable to otherwise express. A form of mental therapy if you will. A poetic verse can bring tears of pain to your eyes with its heartfelt emotion, make you laugh with its comedy, put a smile on your face when your lover writes you verse that melts your heart. I believe these statements better explain the complexity of the art of poetry. How it can touch your life in a way that you never expected.

Like all art, poetry must be shared in order to appreciate its beauty. So I share my personal interpretation and love for verse along with a collection of poems written by others that have touched my world in some way.