I wrote the next item clear back in 1996. Obviously I was in the midst of a very bad and very volatile relationship. I honestly had forgotten that I had wrote the poem until about two years ago when I was cleaning out the basement and ran across some old notebooks and was flipping through them and found this. It isn't very well written but that was probably due to stress, anger and fear at the time. Just thought I would share.
My Prayer
They say women marry men like their fathers
Why does it have to be true?
In my case it is
The man I care most about is so much the same
The biggest similarity?
One word: Alcohol
The deadly drink
Poisoned water from some awful place
Suppose to be the drink of happiness, it is the kiss of hell
One of the most hated things in my life
Watching the one you love drink the poison
Seeing it take affect of their mind
That look of stupidity that creeps into their eyes
Trying to speak but only babbling
The coordination of hands, arms, fingers, no longer present
Walking is a major challenge
The straight and narrow becomes the bumpy stagger
The fear once again sets into my heart
Dear God what's going to happen this time?
Will something besides my heart be broken?
Will he hurt himself?
Please Lord, don't let him hit me.
Should I hide the car keys?
Oh please, please just let him pass out
Why can't someone show me how to help him
Why can't he help himself
Why must the cycle go on
It destroys my very being
Please let him understand
Maybe my tears will have an effect this time
Perhaps if I yell he will stop
Yet nothing works
The cycle repeats itself over and over
When will it stop
Will it ever
How long can I live an unhappy life
Until one of us dies ahead of schedule
Oh God, please no
But I fear the thought
One more night I will drop to my knees
Draw an invisible cross over my body
Lower my head and intertwine my fingers
The message always the same
Please God, keep my family (each individual named) safe and healthy
Please, please, please help him God
Turn him away from the drink and back to me
Don't let it happen again
I draw the cross again
Saying "In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen."
I climb into bed and hope that this time the Lord will answer my prayer.
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Cederberg Family
14 years ago
2 comments:
That was really, really powerful. OMG you must've been in hell. I'm so glad that you got out of that relationship b/f you got physically hurt....or worse.
It was a bad situation and I did get hurt, although not that bad. I am a forgiving person. He hit me once, I told him he got a second try. The second time I packed his bags and when he was released from jail I kicked him out. End of story. Looking back... I don't regret it though. It was my reason for getting into the legal field which I love and it has allowed me to better understand the viewpoint of some of our clients and empathize with them. It also gave me strength and I know that I will NOT tolerate that sort of thing in my life.
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