No More Waiting

After making dinner tonight I settled in to wash the dishes (yes, I wash the dishes by hand. I own a dishwasher but it hasn't worked since before I lived in this home and I don't see any sense in buying a new one when I am totally capable of washing the dishes, so my dishwasher has instead been converted to a storage place for canned goods). It was quiet in the house and so I plugged in my mp3 player to listen to some music while I washed.

My mp3 player is loaded with an odd assortment of music. I don't like one specific genre of music, in fact about the only music I am not a fan of would be jazz or techno. Just don't get them. So my mp3 player is loaded with pop, rock, heavy metal, country (old school and new pop country), a bit of rap and R&B and even an opera song.

So I am washing along, skipping an occasional song or two, when one comes on that made me pause. The song is called Waiting for my Real Life to Begin and it is by Colin Hay. My first thought was to skip the song because it has a tendency to make me remember things from the past that make me sad. However, I was in the midst of washing and covered in soapy water so I let it play for a bit until it got to the chorus. The chorus goes:

"And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin".

For some reason the song hit home in a different way then it usually does. It made me reflect on my life in the last year or two and the amount of changes and struggles that I have been through, along with the rest of my family on many of those. I thought about each and every person that we have lost in the last year. Each and every struggle that each one of those people faced as the end drew near. The combination between that and the line "I'm waiting for my real life to begin" made me realize that all to often we take a backseat to our own lives. We wait. We wait for the boy we like to call. For our friends to go out. For the mail to come. For that right person to find us and fall in love. For the perfect job opportunity to come our way. For those of you that are familiar with the book Oh, The Places You'll Go! by Dr. Suess, I am not trying to copy his work although it might sound that way. For those of you that don't know his book, read it. I don't care that it is a children's book, it has a valid point for children and adults alike.

I don't want to take a backseat to my own life. I don't want to just wait for something great to happen or the weekend to come or that person to call. Simply put, we need to be proactive in our lives and live our life and try for things instead of just sitting and hoping they will happen. I don't want to look back and wonder "what if". Sure, there is always a chance that I might not succeed or that things might not turn out the way I had hoped, but I can at least look back and know that I gave it my all and be proud of that fact.

The last couple of weeks have been rough. It was the anniversary of the date that we lost Dad and Uncle Frosty. It seems so hard to believe that it has been a year already. In some ways it feels like it was just yesterday and in others it seems like a lifetime ago. I'd like to think that I have healed some, but now and then, the loss does creep up on me and I have a break down. Pain is a part of life, unfortunately. Loss is a part of life as well, whether it is the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship, either way you go through a grieving process. It is a long, very long, process but through that loss you also learn to live as well. To push for the things you want to realize that there are other things out there to do and try.

I am not going to wait for my real life to begin, instead I think I am going to take the bull by the horns and live it and enjoy each and every day of it. Except maybe Mondays. Ok, fine, Mondays too. :)

With love:
Forest R. Bartlett: May 19, 1947 - October 27, 2010
Norris L. Ashment: November 4, 1942 - October 31, 2010
Blaine Ashment: February 9, 1931 - May 7, 2011
Everette Beaulieu: February 28, 1922 - June 13, 2011
Carol Ashment: February 23, 1930 - November 6, 2011